Synopses & Reviews
In the polygamous Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (FLDS), girls can become valuable property as plural wives, but boys are expendable, even a liability. In this powerful and heartbreaking account, former FLDS member Brent Jeffs reveals both the terror and the love he experienced growing up on his prophets compound—and the harsh exile existence that so many boys face once they have been expelled by the sect.
Brent Jeffs is the nephew of Warren Jeffs, the imprisoned leader of the FLDS. The son of a prominent family in the church, Brent could have grown up to have multiple wives of his own and significant power in the 10,000-strong community. But he knew that behind the groups pious public image—women in chaste dresses carrying babies on their hips—lay a much darker reality. So he walked away, and was the first to file a sexual-abuse lawsuit against his uncle. Now Brent shares his courageous story and that of many other young men who have become “lost boys” when they leave the FLDS, either by choice or by expulsion.
Brent experienced firsthand the absolute power that church leaders wield—the kind of power that corrupts and perverts those who will do anything to maintain it. Once young men no longer belong to the church, they are cast out into a world for which they are utterly unprepared. More often than not, they succumb to the temptations of alcohol and other drugs.
Tragically, Brent lost two of his brothers in this struggle, one to suicide, the other to overdose. In this book he shows that lost boys can triumph and that abuse and trauma can be overcome, and he hopes that readers will be inspired to help former FLDS members find their way in the world.
Synopsis
In this powerful and heartbreaking account, the nephew of Warren Jeffs--the jailed former leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--reveals that leaving the sect can be just as harrowing for men as it is for women.
About the Author
BRENT W. JEFFS spent his entire childhood in the Jeffs compound as nephew of Warren Jeffs and grandson of Rulon Jeffs, the Mormon fundamentalist groups former prophet, who had dozens of wives and more than sixty children. He currently lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, with a beautiful wife and daughter.
MAIA SZALAVITZ is the author and coauthor of several books, including Help at Any Cost: How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids. She has written for The New York Times, The Washington Post, and Elle, and is a Senior Fellow at stats.org, a media watchdog group. She lives in New York City.
Reading Group Guide
1. Why is being born male not the advantage that it would seem to be in the FLDS? How does the church use gender roles to control people?
2. What is “keeping sweet,” and how does this idea constrain the expression of emotion in Brents family?
3. Some argue that polygamy is always linked with abuse of women and children, while others claim that if women have equal rights, polygamy can be a healthy lifestyle. What does Brents story suggest about the power dynamics of polygamy and patriarchy, and their relationship to child abuse and abuse of women?
4. Why is polygamy harder for Brents father than he expected it to be? What are the challenges that seem to face men with multiple wives, and how can this make them act insensitively toward their multiple wives and children?
5. In Brents family, fights over things like toys or money were really conflicts about who was getting love and attention. Does this play out differently in polygamous families as opposed to monogamous families? If so, how?
6. How does Warren use theology to justify his sexual abuse of children? Why might being abused by a religious authority be especially destructive to a child?
7. What positive values does Brent get from his church and parents?
8. What impact does Claynes drug use and rebellion have on his brothers? Why does Brent admire Clayne?
9. Why do you think Brent stays in the church after his family is excommunicated?
10. The FLDS gave Brents family a sense of meaning and purpose as part of a chosen people and relatives of a prophet of God. How hard do you think it is to go from that kind of spiritually charged life to the secular world?
11. Brent tries to be a good FLDS member in Colorado City but quickly goes astray and falls in love. How did being raised in the church shape his relationship with Lisa?
12. Why is it so difficult for Brent and his brothers after they leave the church? Why do you think so many lost boys become involved with alcohol and other drugs?
13. Why did Brent and the other lost boys decide not to seek monetary damages primarily, but instead to get a trustee appointed to head the UEP trust? What does this decision show about their values?
14. What can we learn from Brents story about family and how our connections to one another matter?
15. Brents mom forgave his father for leaving her for Felicia. Do you think you could do that-or do you think that kind of infidelity should ever be forgiven?
16. How does trauma affect memory, and why do you think Brent says telling his story “put him back together”?
17. The HBO series Big Love also deals with a polygamous family with three wives, with a father who has been expelled from a group similar to the FLDS. What are some differences and similarities between that family and Brents, and has reading Brents story changed your perspective on that show?
1. Why is being born male not the advantage that it would seem to be in the FLDS? How does the church use gender roles to control people?
2. What is “keeping sweet,” and how does this idea constrain the expression of emotion in Brents family?
3. Some argue that polygamy is always linked with abuse of women and children, while others claim that if women have equal rights, polygamy can be a healthy lifestyle. What does Brents story suggest about the power dynamics of polygamy and patriarchy, and their relationship to child abuse and abuse of women?
4. Why is polygamy harder for Brents father than he expected it to be? What are the challenges that seem to face men with multiple wives, and how can this make them act insensitively toward their multiple wives and children?
5. In Brents family, fights over things like toys or money were really conflicts about who was getting love and attention. Does this play out differently in polygamous families as opposed to monogamous families? If so, how?
6. How does Warren use theology to justify his sexual abuse of children? Why might being abused by a religious authority be especially destructive to a child?
7. What positive values does Brent get from his church and parents?
8. What impact does Claynes drug use and rebellion have on his brothers? Why does Brent admire Clayne?
9. Why do you think Brent stays in the church after his family is excommunicated?
10. The FLDS gave Brents family a sense of meaning and purpose as part of a chosen people and relatives of a prophet of God. How hard do you think it is to go from that kind of spiritually charged life to the secular world?
11. Brent tries to be a good FLDS member in Colorado City but quickly goes astray and falls in love. How did being raised in the church shape his relationship with Lisa?
12. Why is it so difficult for Brent and his brothers after they leave the church? Why do you think so many lost boys become involved with alcohol and other drugs?
13. Why did Brent and the other lost boys decide not to seek monetary damages primarily, but instead to get a trustee appointed to head the UEP trust? What does this decision show about their values?
14. What can we learn from Brents story about family and how our connections to one another matter?
15. Brents mom forgave his father for leaving her for Felicia. Do you think you could do that–or do you think that kind of infidelity should ever be forgiven?
16. How does trauma affect memory, and why do you think Brent says telling his story “put him back together”?
17. The HBO series Big Love also deals with a polygamous family with three wives, with a father who has been expelled from a group similar to the FLDS. What are some differences and similarities between that family and Brents, and has reading Brents story changed your perspective on that show?